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This Journal Is Closed-Captioned For The Hearing Impaired

Omnis Vester Praesidium Esse Nos Sunt

Name:
Doctor X
Birthdate:
19 March
There will be no movie on this flight. The horrors that I have to show you will not go away when you close your eyes. Mad? MAD?!? You DARE to call me mad??? Your tiny mind cannot begin to comprehend the things that I intimately KNOW about this universe, and you DARE to call me mad? Yes, I'm mad! You, too, would be mad if the truths which have eluded mankind for untold millenia made themselves plain before YOUR VERY EYES!!!


And you DARE to call me mad...

"Who is Doctor X?" A question a child might ask, but not a childish question. Born at an early age, Doctor X was three years old when he stumbled upon his first global conspiracy. This man, described by Fu Manchu as "The only truly worthy adversary I have ever known," dwells on Asteroid X, in geo-synch orbit over Anchorage, Alaska, where he can often be found plotting global domination and waging his one-man war against that greatest of all contradictions in terms, "alternative music."

Apart from these many admirable qualities, he enjoys the clever subtext of Quentin Tarantino films, despite believing that Kevin Smith could kick his ass in a straight fight; exhales carbon dioxide, which is needed by plants; and on at least five separate occasions, has given his life so that others might live.
Unverified reports claim that he once walked across the surface of a lake to heal an injured swan. "He is love," a witness proclaimed.

If encountered, toss him a Mountain Dew and a pack of Marlboro 100s and run in the opposite direction.



The Pool Boy
Random Gentle Sex Dreamer (RGSDm)

Friendly and eager. You are The Pool Boy.

A teen at heart, you anxiously move about your daily tasks, hoping, praying for a good, instant lay. You're carefree, enthusiastic, and rarely discouraged. Love is cool, but it's not for you right now. You know what is? Crotches.

You're a fun person in both big and small groups, and your friends trust and love you. Inside you, meanwhile, your lust is only growing. Imagine your beating heart sprouting pubic hair. Exactly. Try shaving that.

Your exact opposite:
The False Messiah

Deliberate Brutal Love Master
If you're not scoring enough--which you aren't--you should adopt new strategies. Lower your standards. Be aggressive. Pool Boys are often submissive and hope (desperately) sex will find them. Realize that passiveness will not hook the horny girls you desire. A bolder approach and sheer repetition will.

When browsing OkCupid, consider both The Dirty Little Secret and The Playstation.


ALWAYS AVOID: The Battleaxe, The Priss


Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: milkandcheese

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